JuJu is actually my Mom's cousin but she and I have always been close and now she is Stephen's second Grandma. He doesn't quite understand that not everyone has a JuJu and frankly he thinks they all should. He looks forward to going to her house whenever we can.
This time, with Mom going with us we decided to stay in a hotel. We were going on Thursday evening and were supposed to come back on Saturday afternoon. Apparently God had other plans because with the ice storm we decided to stay an extra night rather than make the three hour drive on a skating rink. Jim came over on Friday night (driving in the ice) to spend time with Stephen and I. Jim and I have both committed to each other and to Stephen to put more time into loving our son instead of just taking care of physical needs. That means playing with him and laughing with him. That also means going swimming with him, even in February.
The hotel we were staying at had an indoor pool. We had switched hotels for the extra night for many reasons but the new hotel seemed quite a bit nicer. On Saturday afternoon the boys went swimming and I took Mom to Judy's. We were going to meet up again for dinner and then all of us would go back to swim some more. That is what we did. After dinner Mom, Jim, Stephen and I went back to the hotel. Jim and Stephen went to the pool and I helped Mom get ready for bed, then I went to the pool. When I went in Jim looked cold in the water so I was hesitant about jumping in. Finally I dove into the water. BIG MISTAKE!!!! The water was so cold that it took my breath away. (As many of you know, when I had Stephen I developed a heart condition called Post Partem Cardiomyopathy which is a form of congestive heart failure. Usually it isn't a problem but I have a major problem with regulating my body temperature. I can get too hot or too cold very easily and very quickly.) When I came up out of the water I couldn't breath and my heart was racing. My left arm was numb and I had shooting pain into my jaw. I had felt this before and I knew my heart was in trouble. Unfortunately I was in 9 feet of water in the middle of the pool. Jim knew immediately I was in trouble and came swimming fast. He helped me to the side and out of the pool. I sat quietly for a while and got warmed up. My heart began to slow down and I began to get feeling into my arm again. The pain subsided and I knew I had just missed a bad heart attack.
I asked myself that night as I was laying in bed why God would let this happen again. With losing weight and getting healthier I have not had a problem with Chronic Fatigue, Bronchitis, Pneumonia or any of the other illnesses I have struggled with for so many years. I prayed and said Lord why don't you heal my heart now. I want to play with my son, I want to be healthy for Jim, I want to be active and able to do all the things I want to do. I think I know the answer now.
Before the incident in the pool, Jim and I had planned on swimming with Stephen for a while and then taking him back to the room with Grandma so we could go back to the hot tub together. That sounded good but what happened instead was much sweeter and more rewarding. Obviously I wasn't interested in getting overheated or overstimulated so after we got Stephen settled in the room we went to the lobby to just sit and talk. Grandma and Stephen were sleeping and we didn't want to disturb them. WE sat together and talked about our relationship with each other, Stephen and God for about two hours. It was a good time or connecting and loving each other that would not have happened in the hot tub. I realized later that if I am wonder woman (as many people think I am) than I would not be made to slow down on occasion and experience the quiet times. I get so wrapped up in doing theater and home schooling and taking care of Mom and etc, etc, etc that I forget to spend quiet times connecting with the people I am spending so much time doing for. I would have missed the two hours with my husband that have been special to me. It also provided Jim the opportunity to show me how much he does care because he didn't leave early and drive back for a rehearsal, instead he stayed there with us today so he could drive home with me and make sure I arrived safely. That meant a lot because it showed me I was important. We all need to feel important sometimes.
We often ask God why He doesn't fix things that to us seem like they are broken. I am beginning to realize that what is broken to me is not necessarily broken to God. As I begin now the recovery process from this (and it does take time of quiet healing and rest) I can remember that God is in control, I am still alive, I spent quality time with my husband and I made it home safely. What else is important?
By the way WE LOVE YOU JUJU!!!!!
What an awesome testimony, Vikki. Girl, you ARE awesome, and God made you that way! Glad you are okay, and yes, please do slow down and smell those roses. I'm thinking that's why I had the brain tumor and all this unemployment downtime too, I needed to get out of the fast lane and reconnect with my kids, especially now that they are adults and getting out of the nest (always a sad/happy time!) Take care of yourself!!
ReplyDeleteAmy K.