It's snowing again!

I am getting tired of winter but I keep telling myself it is almost over. I am getting anxious for summer.

I started working on the Wii Fit yesterday. I have decided that while I am not going to be ridiculous about it that I would attempt to do things a little healthier this year. I think it would be good for my entire family. We will see how long it lasts. I worked out for an hour and today I feel like i got hit by a truck. I am kind of liking the Weight Watcher recipes that I have found. I have a bunch of Weight Watcher cook books but i am also getting some online from Weight Watchers online. Saturday we had Dijon chicken and today we had chicken and garlic. The Mustard chicken was wonderful but the Garlic chicken was NOT!!! i think if I play with it i could make it better but WHY?

Hopefully I will have the energy and the stamina to work out again tomorrow. I know it will hurt but I think it will be good for me.

I will keep you all updated on my progress.

Thanking God for My life

Today I spent the day with an old friend. His partner of 25 years passed away 12 days ago and we were going through papers and insurance policies and just cleaning in general. Watching the pain in his eyes and the way he wandered around his own home feeling lost and dazed made me think about what I have. It made me appreciate my husband and my son even more. I thank God I have Jim, Stephen, Mom, Donnie, Sharon, my brothers and sisters - in- law (all of them). Nieces, nephews, best friends, friends children and the list goes on. I started listing on a sheet of paper the people in my life and I realized if I listed them all the paper wasn't big enough. That made me think of how blessed I truly am.

I want to take time tonight to thank God for all of the people I love and the people that love me. I want to thank him for a husband that puts up with me, for a son that loves me and thinks I am the best, for a Mom who despite some health issues is for the most part healthy, for friends that are there for me and support me, for the memories I have of a Father who loved me and accepted me as if i was his. I miss him but I am glad he was my and will always be my Dad.

I realized today that it is important to take time to appreciate what we have because we don't know when it will go away. Tod though he and Victor had a long time together ahead of them. he was wrong and Victor died shoveling snow. It doesn't seem fair but I guess in the end life is not always fair.

I love you my family and friends and I pray that God protects you and gives you all peace.

Good night

Valentine's Day

A friend said the other say who was it that decided that a chubby baby, in a diaper, wielding a weapon would be a good choice for a symbol of love. I stopped to think about that for a minute and found it extremely funny.

Some young people on Facebook today were commenting on how hard it was to have Valentine's Day without a love. How well I remember those days. All of my friends had boyfriends before me, were married before me, had children before me and just seemed settled before me. I remember how hard it was to 'WAIT' on God's timing for my life but how wonderful now my life is because I did just that. While may times I find myself worrying about finances, aging parents, dealing with death of family members, hurts and heartaches of life, I always at the end of the day, know that I can find love, acceptance and safety in the arms of the one God had for me.

I have had friends that tell me I have the perfect husband. Let me clear something up now for the record. I DO NOT have the perfect husband. He is a good man, loving husband, firm but gentle father and he IS perfect for me. We balance each other out well. I am shy and reserved in the beginning. I take my time to scope out the whole picture. Jim dives right in. He loves life and people, while I love life after I figure out all the dynamics of the situation I am in, and I love people after I know that I am safe in the setting. Jim sometimes gets so wrapped up in providing that he forgets to play while I remember that playing is just as important. He gives Stephen room to grow and stretch his wings while I keep him protected and under my wings. He encourages me to trust while I remind him to be careful. We work well together. We knew that God had joined us together as a team and when we work together as that team nothing is impossible for us.

I absolutely love my husband and thank God for him. While we have our differences and our fights (don't we all) I know at the end he is the best for me.

To those reading this who do not yet have that special person, remember that God is in control and only He knows when not only are you ready but that other person is ready as well. Be patient and diligent in the waiting because the end is definitely worth the wait.

I LOVE YOU JIM. Thank you for loving me and our boy.

End of the Day

I want to know how you can be busy all day, come home feeling fine, go to bed healthy and wake up with a miserable sore throat and cough. It does not make sense to me how you get sick while you sleep. WHATEVER!

So it has been a quiet day, needless to say. I have spent most of the day covered up with a blanket, watching tv and playing on the computer. Thanks to Jim, Stephen got some school in today.

Jim had rehearsal tonight so Mom and I took Stephine to Pizza Hut because they have their Pizza buffet on Wednesday's. He loves their salad and bread sticks. I love that Stephen loves salad. His favorite is Olive Garden but who doesn't love Olive Garden salad.

I heard a wonderful line today from a friend on Facebook tonight. I want to know who it was that decided to use Cupid as the symbol of Valentines Day. When I think of love and romance I do NOT think of a chubby baby in a diaper coming at me with a weapon. How true is that?!!!!

Like I said not much excitement today. Kind of a BORING day since I haven't felt well. Hopefully tomorrow will bring more excitement but I doubt it since it is suppose to be so cold that I will not be interested in doing anything.

Good night to all, stay warm if you can and may God bless your homes and lives.

Much Better Day

OK so forgive me for venting yesterday. Sometimes it is necessary to release pent up feelings and emotions so that the next day can get better. That is what happened (as well as the person in question and I talked).

Today was a good day. We had a productive day at Explorer's and as always an exhausting day. My family is not a "morning" family so getting up with alarm clocks is never an easy thing to do. However, every Tuesday morning we arise to the wonderful sound of the buzzing of the alarm. WE groggily wander around the house, wake Stephen (not a happy time) and proceed to prepare for Explorer's. Regardless of how cranky Stephen is at the thought of getting out of his warm comfy bed when he realizes it is Explorer's day he is a bright ray of sunshine (well as bright as Stephen can get). He loves Explorer's. especially his Stage Combat Class (again with the weapons). This is the first class of the day and the primary reason for our early rising on Tuesday's.

From Stage Combat he goes to 4 other classes along with lunch and then he waits for Mom and Dad for an hour. Through all of it he is usually happy and helpful. He loves the other kids and he loves finding things to do. (Thank God for the Rainbow Steps room). He has made some new friends and for that I am grateful. it is worth the hour drive (one way) and the getting up early in order to see his interaction with other kids.

After all of this then we come home and what was last line of that kiddie song??? OH YEAH, WE ALL FALL DOWN!!!!!!! When we finally make the hour drive back home, fix dinner, sometimes fit swimming practice in and finally settle down to eat the dinner we fix we are ready for BED!!! So as I sit here at 8:22 finishing writing this I am very soon heading for bed. Unfortunately, due to the insomnia that accompanies the Chronic Fatigue I am blessed to have (Plagues with really)I don't always sleep well even though I feel physically exhausted. Oh the joys of being part of the sinful human race. (Thanks Eve!)

Have a good night and I will catch you all tomorrow. Remember that God loves us and He is in control, even when we feel out of control!

Bedtime

I am heading to bed now. I am praying tomorrow is better but since nothing has changed in my life I doubt it will be.

God give me the strength to see that I am who you made me to be and if other people don't like it or can't accept it the problem is theirs NOT mine. Protect my heart during this season of pain and mostly protect Stephen's heart so that he is not wounded in the fallout.

Thank you for loving us and taking care of us this far. I trust you enough to know that you will continue even if other people are trying to convince me otherwise.

AMEN

Feelings sometimes lie but not always

Stephen always says to me that I am the best. Most of the time I really appreciate it when he tells me that and I hug him and thank him for making me feel good. You see that is who he is. His heart is huge and he love me and I know it. Today when he said that though it didn't make me feel better. I don't feel like I am the best at anything.

I know that sometimes we cannot trust our feelings but sometimes we can and today I can't doubt them. I can try to list the things that I am good at and things I do well but there are days that the list seems relatively short and insignificant compared to the list of things I can't seem to do well. Today is one of those days.

Some days I wonder why God leaves me here. What good am I to Him or to my family? I do not have a job, I can't seem to finish school, I can't do enough to make everyone happy, I can't contribute to the home financially, I don't do enough to take care of Mom, I have a bad heart, I have Chronic Fatigue and I feel like a failure in most ways. Maybe it is just a feeling but sometimes feelings are very strong and overwhelming. It doesn't help that Cameron's Angel Day is coming up and I miss my baby so much that my heart is breaking.

I wish people would understand that what they say and how they say it can impact other people in such a way as to make them feel insignificant and unworthy to draw another breath. I know we shouldn't let people dictate who we are and how we feel about ourselves but it is easier said than done.